Financial Recovery Journey

I’ve got nearly $100k in debt, between my student loans, my car, and a few credit cards and just this past week I started my financial recovery journey. 

My best friend told me before christmas that she wanted to focus on money in 2025, so as a christmas gift I bought her several finance books, including Rich Dad Poor Dad, and Financial Feminist. As she was reading through Rich Dad Poor Dad, she kept calling me to talk about the things she learned in the chapters. On one of those phonecalls she was telling me about how Robert talks about “opportunities.” In the chapter, Robert talks about the housing market crash of 2008, and how he bought a foreclosed house for $20k and then turned around and sold it for $60k. The thing she said that really surprised me is “he keeps saying you need to look for opportunities, but the housing market isn’t like that right now. There are no opportunities.”

Immediately I listed off nearly 10 ideas that I’ve had floating around in the back of my head for several years now. Those ideas include buying, renovating, and renting out or selling campers and RV’s or converting camping vans, buying vending machines, gumball machines, or a laundry-mat, and various other things. There are, as Robert says, plenty of opportunities all around us, the first step is seeing them, and the second step is being willing to take them. 

Because she kept talking about the book, I decided to read it as well, and I just finished it yesterday. Today I am starting Financial Feminist, which feels like it is going to have a lot more tangible educational information in it. The end of Chapter 1 has a homework assignment, and I’ve decided to publicly share my answers with you here, in hopes that my journey could help you too. 

Chapter 1 of Financial Feminist is called “The Emotions of Money,” and it talks about biases, the patriarchy, and how our feelings about money are one of the most impactful and influential parts. The homework involves digging into our financial history and discovering how we feel about money and why we feel the way we do. So, to get started, here are the questions, and my answers!

What is your first money memory? What is the first time you remember consciously thinking about money? About saving money? About spending money?

I have a few critical money memories to share.

1. When I was starting kindergarten, my mom and dad both worked, so they put me and my brother in daycare, which is where I got on the bus. I had bus stop friends, and one day, one of them told me “you’re rich.” I don’t remember what the rest of the conversation was about, but the way she said it felt judgemental and derogatory. Like I’d done something wrong. I went home that night and I cried to my mom about it. My mom said “We’re not rich, I work hard for my money. And you aren’t rich, you don’t have any money, I do.” 
2. For christmas one year my brother and I got quarter collection books with little slots to put quarters from each of the 50 states in them. I remember sitting in the living room, pulling out all the quarters and counting them to make sure I’d have enough to buy some pokemon cards. Collecting be damned. I have no idea where those quarters came from in the first place, but I was probably 7, so I didn’t have an income of my own.
3. I loved pokemon as a kid. When my mom set up a chore system, instead of paying us in money, she would give us a pack of pokemon cards for finishing all our chores for the week.
4. When I was a little kid, my dad always told me that “if you get at least a masters degree, I’ll pay for all of your college.” When I started college, my mom told me I had to get a job to help pay for it. Then, one day, after I accidentally ran the car out of gas, she sat me down at the kitchen table and told me that I was irresponsible, that I couldn’t be trusted, and that I didn’t deserve to have control of my own money. She insisted that I give her every paycheck I made. While working at McDonald’s roughly 50 hours per week as a manager, my takehome was about $600 per pay. All of it went directly to my mother. Having done the math in hindsight, she stole about $40,000 dollars from me in that time. No one had ever taught me about money, they just took it from me, so I didn’t have a good financial foundation to be able to tell what was happening with my money, or how much of it she had. 

How does your first money memory dictate your relationship with money?

I think the primary things that I learned about money are 1. It will always be there when I need it. 2. If you work hard, you aren’t rich. Being rich is something to be ashamed of. 3. I can’t be trusted with money. Having stuff you want is better than having money.

I think this makes sense for the ways I live with money now. I tend to think of it as not important. It shows up when I need it, in whatever form that may mean (debt), I still think I am irresponsible, and I treat that like a trait of mine rather than something to be overcome. I think I think that I work hard, so I am not rich, and in order to fulfil that prophecy, I tend to spend the extra money I have, rather than save, so I never have to feel rich or ashamed of being rich, despite making quite a bit of money. 

How do you want to change your relationship with money? Do you want to start saving more of your money? Do you want to see money as abundant rather than scarce? Do you view having money or people with money as evil and do you want to change that view?

I think I currently feel trapped by money, and I want to change my relationship so that money makes me feel free. While I don’t view money as evil, and I do view money as abundant, I don’t have any savings, and I have tons of debt. I would like to change both of those things. I feel like I can spend money on the short term things I want, but the more expensive, bigger things like vacations feel very out of reach. If I can’t afford it in one paycheck, I feel like I can’t afford it at all. 

How are you going to change your relationship with money?

I am going to start by reading books to improve my financial literacy. From there, I am, like right now in doing the homework, going to put what I know into action. I don’t have a plan yet beyond reading the books. But I will also assess my budget for the new house. I may also try the envelope method. But so far, most of what Tori is saying is that it’s not about saving, it’s about – like robert said – action, and making your money work for you.

What will your life look like if you change your relationship with money? What will a typical day in your future look like? How will your life and your mindset have been altered?

I am imagining a world in which my debts are all paid off, and I have savings plus expendable income besides my salary. I love Rampart, so I would not want to leave my job, but I could focus some time on the other ideas I have, like starting a food truck, a restaurant, or a consultant business without feeling weird or guilty about it. Why do I feel weird or guilty about it now? Plenty of people have a side gig – hell, Rampart was probably started AS a side gig. I would still go into work daily, like I do now, but I wouldn’t be stressed about it. I could go buy a new wardrobe any time I wanted. I could hire someone to cook meals for me, clean my place, and do my laundry. I could focus on my dream of having a house filled with people. I could hire someone to stay with the dog that knows how to handle aggressive dogs and that I trust, and then I could feel comfortable going on trips or flying back to MI for a weekend when I wanted to see my dad and my family. I could take international trips and explore the world. Also, I’d buy a truck.

Acknowledge which money beliefs are currently in your head. Write down your loudest shame statement, then practice self compassion by switching it up. Write down 2 or so more affirmations on a notecard and tape them to your mirror, put them up in your car, or stick them in some other place you will see them regularly.

Shame statement: I have a lot of debt and I am irresponsible with money.

Reframe: No one ever taught me how to handle money, and I can still learn.

2 more affirmations: No one can stop me. 

Have you been internalizing the 5 patriarchal narratives? In what ways have they impacted your money behaviors. Journal about each.

1. You should know “how to money.”

I think I lie a lot when I talk to people about money. I even lied on the first tiktok I made about this. I said “I have over 50k in debt” when the reality is, my debt is just shy of 100k, and that’s before the house I am about to buy. I have felt a lot of shame in other areas of my life about things I should just “know how to do” and money is no exception to that. I feel like I am smart, and I can figure it out, but money is not a thing I have been willing to spend the time and effort learning about. So I stay in a shame cycle about it.

2. Talking about money is impolite. 

This was really solidified for me when my friend accused me of being rich, and then my mom told me that I don’t have any money, she does. I often lie to people when I am talking about my financial situation, and I feel uncomfortable when people ask me about it. 

3. You’ll be rich if you just work hard.

I often finish things at a much faster rate than my coworkers, and feel guilty if I am not rushing around getting things done at all moments of the work day. I think there are other beliefs tied up in that, but this is certainly part of the formula. My mom and friend framed up being rich as a bad thing, though, so what I learned is that if you work hard for your money, you will have money, but you will not be considered rich. So the only way to get money and be a good person is to work hard for it. 

4. Unless you’re a man, wanting money is selfish.

I’m not sure why I agree with this one. I can’t pinpoint a particular memory or moment in my life, but I do certainly feel this way. I feel like I shouldn’t want to have money or be rich. This could play into why I tend to just spend all my money as soon as I have it. 

5. Money can’t buy you happiness.

This I think I already disagree with. I am totally willing to spend money for short term satisfaction. I think that is how my mom always spent money, and I just learned from watching her. 

Well, that’s everything I got out of chapter 1. Stay tuned to follow along on the rest of my financial recovery journey!